if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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