a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
