Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
