Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
