I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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