If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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