Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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