halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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