So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
