I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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