Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
