im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
