he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
