am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
