when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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