I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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