i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
