At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
