A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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