I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
