I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
