i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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