Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
