there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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