ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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