Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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