My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
