so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
