Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
