I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize