Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
