I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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