How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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