im holly from the hills drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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