Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
