Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
please don't ironically join a cult
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