I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
