Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
