I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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