She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
