Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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