zippers are such a cool invention
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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