Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
