If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
