I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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