I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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