yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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