i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
