dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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