if you like me you must not know who I am
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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