I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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