I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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