Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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