i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
