The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Randomize
