I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
