areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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