Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
