As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
