I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
