five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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