you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
