My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
