Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
