You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
