Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
