Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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