Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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