Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
