If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
