Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize