there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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