i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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