Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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