just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
