I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize