did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
