First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
