I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
