You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
