she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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